February 12, 1994
I told my parents about the “twins” of course they are 3 years old not 21 or 22 and 18 (not for sure on their ages).
Anyway Mikey was the main topic at Caroline’s sister’s wedding and at grandma’s house. It’s great to have them meet him, but what if Dewayne and I ever get together. I guess they would figure something was up, but I don’t see that.
I caught the bouquet today. It’s so pretty. But Caroline’s sister is making me a smaller one so she can use this one for the Catholic wedding next year on February 12, 1995. It’s great. I miss my one and only but I’m glad mom and dad didn’t get too mad on the kid thing they also said they would babysit. And they hoped I realized what I was getting myself into Linda asked if I got along with the twins and I said yes.
Guess who was the best man. The one and only Mikey’s ride to and from work. He looked at me a lot and his girlfriend was taller than him. I was a little nervous because of him being Mikey’s ride and all. Mikey and I talked about Caroline’s sister last night and he said a friend of his, so now I know for sure it’s more than just rides. Oh boy. I took pictures and hopefully I’ll get one of him. All I could think about was the day I found out that he was his ride and he held the door open for me when I first got there. I looked at him a lot but he looked at me too. Maybe someday but needless to say Mikey’s on my mind, in my heart, and my life – all the time right now. And that’s who I’ll keep for a while. Mikey my one and only that means everything.
February 14, 1994
I went to a city nearby and I bought a police car. It’s neat. It wig wags and everything. I miss my one and only anyway that’s all I have to say mom and dad approves of him — if they only knew.
February 15, 1994
Mom called Anna’s house and told me that if having a babysitter for the twins was the only reason Mikey wasn’t going to prom then she would babysit and she asked if I was going to see my Mikey tonight of course I told her I didn’t know. And then that wasn’t the only reason he wasn’t going. And she said that she didn’t want me to miss it because of him and I told her that he’s already told me I could go, but I wouldn’t feel right going without him. And she understood Anna and I laughed after we got off the phone. Yesterday Anna told me that her mom said Mikey gives flowers a lot. And afterwards it kind of upset me because I didn’t get any and her mom had said that he sent them to any girl he really likes. I told Mikey I would understand, but that was before I heard that. It makes me wonder if he really likes me, but I know he does and it’s a little different when he has to send it to the school. I’ll have to ask him tonight.
Mikey,
I bought you a blue rose yesterday but you’ll receive it today. I also have a yellow clown you need to put on your car mirror. Well I’ve been debating on going to prom, but I wish you could be there with me. It’s Saturday April 30th, I believe it’s from 730 to midnight out of town. If I do go I’ll be able to drive outside of just this town. Of course I’m going to ask mom if I can drive and there’s something before that and I’m going to talk to you about prom tonight. Mom says it only comes once in a lifetime and I should go without you if I have to, but I want to be with you. Anyway I have to decide by tomorrow so I’ll talk to you and then I’ll ask mom for the $10 so I can go if and only if you say I should.
Another thing I need $10.00 for this week. $2 per game, which is $6 because there’s 3 games plus the dance is $3 and then the $1 for the memory box, which is up to $7.50. Anyway once it’s added up games, dance, and memory box equals $10. Please, I’ll ask you about this too. It’s 9:08 2 more minutes before I’m out of this stupid class. English Literature. Love ya and I’ll write ya more later.
What a night. I’m taking Dewayne to prom April 30th and I told Mikey about it and he agreed with mom that it only comes once in a lifetime.
Dewayne was with me and we went to Mikey’s house and his wife and oldest daughter were getting into his car so I turned around and they were gone so then I went to my “stop sign” and waited. Dewayne and I thought this one car was his but I didn’t want to follow him with his family in it. So Dewayne and I drove around some more and Dewayne thought he saw his car go by so we went back by his house and we saw his wife, oldest daughter, and Mikey walking towards the car and of course I was having a cow because I had just said I felt like turning around in his driveway just to see if I could do it without getting caught.
Then I dropped Darren off and went back by his house and he was gone. I went looking for him and I found him in his daughter’s car at (you’ll never guess) McDonald’s. Then I followed him to the police station and saw him walk in with a bag of food. Then I went and parked the car and walked up to the police station and called Angie from the pay phone.
I waited for him and finally he came out and smiled then he walked on and I cut cross we talked and walked all the way to the game together. It was great. We talked about prom and how he doesn’t know if she’ll be working or not and I said probably won’t and he said right on target or something like that. I told him that I was going to go to Prom with Dewayne as friends if he thought I should go and he said it was up to me. I told him that the person I really wanted to go with would feel out of place if he came and he said “yeah I was going to say something”. I told him that mom said it only comes once in a lifetime and he agreed. I said and there’s always other Saturdays (because I have been saying I won’t be able to be with him the whole conversation) and he said and there’s only one for prom. He asked me when it was and I said April 30th and I had to buy my tickets tomorrow. He agreed that I should go but I still wish I could be with him. We also talked about getting money for the games and dance and all. But mainly the prom.
We stayed together a lot that night. He leaned against me a lot, too. I just wish he could do other things together. Dewayne got him some popcorn and soda and Mikey and I drank the soda together and ate the popcorn together. Thanks Dewayne. I also told Dewayne that I was afraid that he would get jealous if I kept talking to him and Dewayne told me he wouldn’t because he knew we were good friends. Jess kept talking to him about gangs and drugs and he talked back asking questions and stuff. He asked how old she was and she said 15 and I said “too young” and he started laughing “I didn’t mean it that way”. She also told him about cops not giving up their guns and he said “might as well ask them to drop their pants they would do it faster”. I said “anytime” and he said “not here it might be obvious”. But when I tried to give him his stuff it made me scared and Dewayne and I left for a little while and talked about Lynn and him. How understanding Mikey was. And how some say that he was after just sex and Dewayne told me that he wasn’t and to hold onto him. After talking to him we went back inside and went over to the lobby and talked smiling at Mikey and he would walk away then I talked to Jess and she told me she told people it was from his wife and I told Mikey and he smiled. He was walking up the stairs as we were going down.
Then we went over to the opposite side and yelled for our team and Mikey kept saying to stop before we caused a fight. We kept getting closer to the other side and we didn’t stop when the vice principal came over either.
After the game Mikey motioned me to come outside and he talked a little bit asked when I wanted the money and I said Wednesday explained it to him and he got a ride. I went back and circled the police station 13 times before he came out smiling and I followed him home.
I still wish we were together more. He got his mail and waved at me. And of course I smiled. TLC ASAP also came on 930 and 935. It’s the answer that I didn’t mess up. I love Mikey.
February 16, 1994
Mikey,
What’s up? I’m going to prom I bought the tickets this morning and I’m going to tell mom and dad that Dewayne is Mikey’s younger brother because mom wants me to take pictures as long as one of us is sitting down at the time it will work out because then I’m going to say Mikey is an inch or two taller than Dewayne. Don’t worry everything will work out. He has the mothers maiden name and lives with his grandpa.
12:20pm I’m in Spanish class and I can’t wait until tonight. Maybe only if you can get back by 5 PM I can go with you tonight. I want to be with you more. I don’t mean the games, I mean time with you and without crowds. I think you understand what I’m saying, no tutoring so start calling when I don’t drive and she works. Dewayne and I went to the car and talked about things. How girls marry people like their fathers and how understanding you are. Prayed my life for an understanding, respectful, caring and listening guy as you are and I finally found him. Can’t be with him all the time. How I don’t go for age – just a decent guy. For me not to let go and I don’t plan to. Nobody bought up last night. Stuff for you and explain to him – not to say something if he’s not going to do it and I don’t want to make him do anything he doesn’t want to do. Talked about group sessions. And the phone call from Austin and how I feel bad that I can’t just pick up the phone and call him when I want to.
Love you, me
Your smile makes me smile in the process of course you do that anyway let’s do something together. Some time just you and me. It’s been forever since we have been alone.
What a day he finally got there at 4:15 after I told myself not to get my hopes up he walked in as I was saying it and didn’t leave until 4:56 PM anyway back to during the time we were together I gave him the note and he gave me my $10 he looked at magazines while I studied for my chemistry.
He rubbed my legs a lot. At first I put my leg on a chair by his and he put his hand on my foot twice and smiled and he rubbed my leg and I moved my foot on his foot and when I stopped he started then I started back up. Then I moved my leg and he rubbed it some more and trapped my leg so I couldn’t move them away and (he must have noticed that I was very tense with him trapping me because when I relaxed he would rub them again). He was rubbing on the outside on the left leg and then he moved to the inside and when he went all the way up touching my vagina I got a little scared. He winked and smiled at me and told me that I would receive some TLC ASAP tomorrow night. He also asked if I was ready for touching and feeling and I said yes and he said real close and I asked what he meant and he gave me the look he often gives me when he feels I should know something when I don’t necessarily know it. and then said “Breast” and I said “yes”. He smiled and asked if I was sure. And I said yes again we talked about plans on Thursday and being alone and now that they might be messed up because of Anna. It’s really pissing me off. I’m not giving in. I might let her in the backseat but we might leave so I don’t know I have to call him at 7PM he told me to so I’ll know more.
After we left he turned around in a parking lot and asked me if I meant what I said about the cop’s gun and pulling down his pants and I smiled and said “whatever you think” he said “I think you meant it” and I smiled again. We touched a lot today and it reassured me that he still wants and loves me or at least cares about me. Maybe we can make plans after work and not the game this time around. He also asked if I was going to wear shorts and I said probably I guess that means he likes me in shorts. I love him anyway he’ll come.
Well I called at 7pm and we couldn’t talk much because we kept getting on the subject of tomorrow night. God I can’t wait.
Please don’t let me mess it up. I’m so scared I will. I mess everything up. It never fails. Anyway we talked about Kansas Boy and Austin and school, mainly chemistry. But when it came to the basics of the call we talked about hands-on and he told me to be ready for it. I told him about Anna and he said if it has to be take her home at 9:30 and I said “but I want to be with you” and he said “I know but you have to see it my way”. And then I asked about meeting before (after work) and he asked “what do you want to do?” and I said “anything” and he said “park by the walking trail” and made sure it was going to be just me. And I told him it would just be me.
He asked if in the library if it was turning me on and I got embarrassed and he said “that was an obvious yes” and I asked if that was what it was supposed to be and he said “yes”.
Then we talked about me for sure being ready and he said he was waiting until I was ready and I told him I was ready and told him my feelings when he doesn’t touch me and he told me he didn’t want to push me into anything and I said he wasn’t and he said that he wasn’t expecting me to say something like that and I told him to ask Anna because she knows most of my feelings.
I believe this next game is going to be the one I dream about going there and remembering what we did. God I can’t wait and I hope he realizes that I don’t want to go all the way yet, but will just have to take it one step at a time.
We talked about first kisses and he told me that this time I’ll be sober. I guess he wants to kiss. God I hope so. He also told me to prepare for hands on and we’ll walk around the trail. Man I can’t wait he also told me not to worry about Austin and Kansas Boy and I told him that I moved on and he said “to better things” and I said “yeah this one makes me happier doesn’t smoke doesn’t drink anyway I think you get the point” then I said and “doesn’t make me feel I have to do anything I don’t want to do to keep him” and he understood.
I told him that I was thinking of him and he asked if I was tingly and hot and of course I got embarrassed. He said he had to go because if he didn’t he would explode and that we always come back to the subject which was true and he said he’ll try to keep his mind on his work and I said and me on school and he said “yeah with that test”.
Man, I can’t wait. I told him that I didn’t want to go and he said “we’ll still think about it and feel hot when you’re at it”. I said “I’ll dream about it”.
When we talked about “anytime” he said I meant it because of the way I said it and he said a green light had flashed. I had told him that I meant it as he wanted to take it and that’s how he took it. I’m still horny as can be when we talk about not being able to go after the game. He said we’ll just have to do as much as we can before now, don’t we. This is the time when I’ve been waiting for he does want me. And when I said I was ready and waiting he said thanks and that was after he said Green light and that he knew I could handle it.
Well I think I’ve been giving enough hints in the letters don’t you. I hope this doesn’t backfire and cost me to lose him or friends. I’ve been happy all night and dad called the minute we hung up and I told him who I was taken to prom.
Another thing he (Mikey) said he’d be thinking about me. I’m glad someone cares enough to. Well I’m ready to explore my love. And I won’t do this with just anyone. What will we do? I don’t know but I hope I’m as ready as I think I am. I mean I hope I don’t freeze up. I was trying to give that hint when I said about my first kiss was in December of last year. I hope I don’t.
I know I’ll have to talk to Anna because even thinking about it makes me scared because of his hands on my breast. I can’t wait but please let my mind keep in mind that he’s not forcing me and we can stop anytime another words let him do as much as he wants but not all the way. And let his hands and mine explore baggy shorts. I hope this is a good plan. I love you Mikey.
Anna brought up a good point: we can do more before the game than after because of time I have to be home by 10PM and that gives us about an half an hour or before the game at least an hour – I’ll take the hour.
When I told him I didn’t want him to go yet he said that if he could he would go through the phone line and enter me right then and there and he didn’t think I wanted that. (My stomach is doing the butterflies right now – what if he expects to go all the way and won’t take no for an answer. What do I do then?)
Stop Police Sexual Violence 