February 10 – 11, 1994

February 10, 1994

This isn’t exactly about Mikey, but it’s about my past which is keeping me from him somewhat. 

Well, I found out on the 8th that my cousin told me UMA sexually abused her when she was little. It’s confusing because if that’s the case then it’s highly possible that he did it to me, but I also trust him the most. Does that make sense? I don’t doubt her one bit, because she doesn’t talk to him at all and stays away from him, but why do I trust him the most? I talk to Fran  about it and she thinks I should talk to Larry about it, but I never get to see him anymore. Just thinking about it makes me upset. I don’t want it to be. I love him and trust him. I don’t want that but I do want to know the answers to all my past. Anyway life goes on and I’ll probably write more often all the way through this tablet (it is now February 11) but I still have to write about what happened with Mikey.

I was up by Mikey’s work place when he got off and waited for his car when I saw it I drove in front and he followed me and saw me turn off at the apartments and he waited outside and walked over to my side of the car so we talked for about 10 minutes and We decided to meet up at the library at whatever time he got up there I told him I had to do research and he said he would be up.

We talked about grandma and he asked how I was holding up and I told him I was doing OK. He also said that he was afraid that my mom was home and I had told him that everybody went home on the 9th and he said it was probably a handful. And I said that he had that right. Mom had not gone to work all week and that was a headache. He told me straight out that he missed talking to me and of course that made me smile. And I told him that I miss him too. I also told him that I might have found some answers about my past and I would tell him about it later. He told me that he understood and that he wanted to know more about it. And I told him I would. He also didn’t know where his oldest daughter was and he had to get a haircut.

He also asked me if I was glad I waited and I gave him a weird look and he explained and he said see if we didn’t wait until you got these answers you might have gotten hurt. He repeated that he didn’t want to hurt me, but what he doesn’t know is that not touching me is hurting me more than anything.

He got to the library and we stayed there until about 445 which was about 35 minutes. Me working on my report. He had a friend in there with his kids and they were bugging us so we didn’t get to talk that much but he joked around about my report and he took his teeth out of his mouth (gross!). He got my letter and told the girls he had to get a haircut. I wish we could have talked and touched more. I mean when he hugged the girls who were there with his friend. I wish it was me. Anyway I love that boy.

February 11, 1994

Mikey met my parents today (right if you believe that I got water to sale you in Arizona) in other words, a friend acted like him, now my parents will get off my back about it except now they want to have him come over more often and I told them that I don’t have to. It’s going to work out so well now. I’m glad Dewayne did this for me. 

Morgan, Lynn, and Dewayne, and I went to the game and had fun. First of all I followed him to the game and watched him walk up to the police station and I saw him get in with Terry and I followed them, got parked, and went inside. We talked about the report, Dewayne acting like Mikey, my essay and gave him my letter and asked about the other one and the kids. Told him about Angie and the baby. He leaned against me a lot that night. I wanted to kiss him so bad.

He also gave me $1 but I didn’t spend it and he asked for his change back and I said no and he said OK. We (the kids) sat under the bleachers so I could see him and didn’t watch the game at all. Spent a lot of time together and he kept telling Morgan that she was quiet but saying she was talking too much too. He told Morgan she looked a little frightened when she backed away from him when he walked next to her. I loved tonight. I asked him about adoption and he said he’s not a lawyer. And orange juice. 

Afterwards I tried to get him to get in the car but he didn’t. We talked at the funeral home TLCASAP was on. I made a phone call at the police station and he came out and talked about phone books. We also followed him home. And went to the lake. He told me he was going home to change clothes and go to bed. He also said speeding kills. He told me as we were leaving each other, “no speeding or drinking” and I said “OK?. I did speed to get Morgan home on time, but I didn’t drink. I felt bad about speeding too. 

We also discussed how Anna wasn’t taking it too hard on SOB (Scott) and he knew who I meant when I said SOB. He smiled at me a lot that night. And I told him that I didn’t want to be put in a trap. He kept asking questions, then I explained that I promised Anan that I wouldn’t tell and I feel I have to tell him everything especially if he asked and I didn’t like being trapped. He said he was sorry and changed the subject.