Kiddy,
Well once again I will change your nickname and using your pen. Your nickname is PRIMERO. I’m not going to tell you what it means unless you ask me.
We had a movie in American History, but a friend of mine, who sits right in front of me, and I wrote notes back-and-forth. I might let you read it instead of explaining it to you. You have to ask (she doesn’t know the truth about you). She knows your name is Mikey, 18 years and has a kid. She’s the only one I’ve told that too. Like I said, you’ll have to read those notes of ours, the next time we see each other.
My Spanish teacher asked our class one at a time “Como estas” and I said “Fantastico” Then she asked why and I said can’t share it. She states it with a smile “JayCee Fantastico” Like first do come and ask if something happened. Most of it’s because of you and seeing you yesterday and maybe tonight, but it also has to do with my grandma being home. I’m so tired, but happy. I can’t wait until you call tonight. If you couldn’t tell I’m in Spanish, I’m not that good at it, but life goes on. PRIMERO = Spanish. Man this day has gone way too slow and you better not use that knee as an excuse again. Just joking I know it really hurts, but so does my wrist and you still get your letters now don’t you. I’m in a good mood right now if you couldn’t tell. But I’m still bored in this class (Spanish) because I don’t always know what they are saying. I made an 85% B this semester. Anyway enough on Spanish PRIMERO.
My “Tablet” has 261 pages in it so far and 84 of those pages were of 1994. And 177 of 1993 everybody asks for a picture of you and all I say is I don’t have one he won’t give me one and if I did I sure as hell wouldn’t show you. By the way can you get me one just to put it in my wallet for my eyes only for when I get depressed, nobody looks at my wallet except me.
Love me.
See you soon, PRIMERO.
During Chemistry the boys asked about the good news in Spanish and asked if I was pregnant. I don’t think I would be in a good mood if that was the case. I told them his name was Mikey, when they asked if I had a boyfriend and I said yes since November 20, 1993 and that he’s 18 graduated from high school last year when they asked what grade he was in. From California state and one of them asked if it was the one with the letter and I said no. What part of California and I said I didn’t know for sure and that he lives out of town now. If he was going to college and I said no because he had a kid to take care of they asked why he was stuck with the kid and I told them that if it was up to the girlfriend she would’ve had an abortion. They asked if it was that police friend of mine and I said no. The other one said I saw how you flirted with him and of course I smiled and then they asked about his car and it wouldn’t be my first choice after saying I didn’t know what kind of answer they wanted and we started talking about my car and I told them my average down 52 and Y. And the 2nd one said that I could cause a lot of injuries. I told him that I slowed down after my birthday which was the 27th because I got pulled over going 41 in a 30 and all I got was a verbal warning. They asked if it was my friend and I told them that I didn’t even know him. And the 2nd one said no but your friend could’ve said something to him.
Mikey, called tonight. I was so happy until he told me he couldn’t come and that his wife found one of my letters. I’m glad he told me that makes me feel that he wouldn’t lie to me or keep things from me. We talked about a lot of things he called at 4:10 and we got off the phone at 4:40 30 minutes. I’ll talk about what we talked about now. His wife got one of our letters so we talked about how I didn’t feel comfortable giving him the other letter that talked about Aubree. I told him that I had a copy of every letter I wrote him and how nervous I was. He told me he didn’t think his name was used at all (1-5-94 and 1-6-94 were the ones that she might have read). We talked about the tablet and how I can write letters better than talk and he said that’s good. And I reassured him that my parents don’t read the things I write unless I give it to them to read and that I’ve kept a diary since seventh grade and I would be dead by now if they had read any of it. He said like that poem after I told him that they only read what I give them and I said “no they don’t know most of the stuff in it”. I wanted to talk about it, but he said he had to go. That was when we started talking about us meeting and other stuff. We talked for 20 minutes after he said that. Then he told me that he had to go to the City tomorrow with his wife and he would find out if she read it or not because she would be bitchy about it. He’s going to tell her he found it at the library.
He also told me that he couldn’t meet at the library anymore and I told him or the City Park either and he agreed. I told him (reminded him) that it was my church right next to it, so we had to figure out another place and as we talked we thought.
I kind of brought up my confusion. I brought up that almost all my friends are giving me the same advice as Aubree and it was getting me confused because all my friends knew my beliefs. And he asked me about the advice and I reminded him about what Aubree told me and what was in my wallet and he said “oh yeah it’s coming back to me”. So I just said “you’ll have to read the note” and he asked me what kind of notes they were and I said a friend of mine’s handwriting and then mine and back-and-forth and then he asked about what kind of advice she gave me and I said you’ll have to read it the next time we’re together when you can it’s hard to explain. But they know my beliefs and it confuses me. I also told him that that friend didn’t know the truth about him, so you can imagine the advice she gave me. Then I said and out of the friends that do know, most of them can’t believe that I’m in this mess. He asked why and I said because of my beliefs and he said you know beliefs change. And I said that’s what Renee said plans changed and I said but beliefs don’t Renee said oh yeah they do and Mikey said they do and they also keep you from doing fun things in life. I said and they also get you very confused and he asked why I said because you’re married. He said yeah. Then I spaced out and the subject was changed. He asked me what I was going to ask him if he would have showed up at the city park and I said never mind I’m not telling you right now anyway. I also asked him about the divorce and he didn’t know if or what was going on and asked why I asked and I said I just wanted to know. And he said “well, I’m not for sure but it might be on the rise again”. And we left.
I told him to try to call on Thursday and Friday and then he never calls on the weekends. That’s not exactly how it went. I was repeating his wife’s schedule and said Thursday and Friday then he said Saturday and Sunday and I said “well you never called on the weekends anyways”. He said “that’s because your parents are home”. I told him he could call anytime if he could because they don’t care. I explained to him that he needed to try and call because if he didn’t that would be four days without hearing from him and I barely made it over the weekend. He said “you really enjoy me calling you”. And I said “of course I do”. He said “I feel this relationship is doing you good”. I didn’t say anything and he said “well I do”. And I said “well, I thought that from the day we met no not from the day it was later than that because I didn’t even like you the first day we met it wasn’t until a week or so afterwards that I started liking you” and he said “that’s OK everybody has the right for their opinions”. I said “it was only because you were a police officer and I didn’t know you yet. I’m glad I got to know you”. We were talking about how the school knows about me having a boyfriend. He asked how my parents were taking it. I asked what he meant and he said won’t they want to meet me. I said only if you pick me up for a date that’s the rule and I said I don’t see you doing that anytime in the near future he said “I hear you there”. And I smiled, but he didn’t get to see it.
I told him about dad promising me that he wouldn’t act the way he did the first time I brought a guy over which was Kansas Boy. Then I told Mikey that I was thinking no because he would probably kill him and me. He again said “I hear you there”. And I again smiled like it was going out of style. Then I asked him where we were going to meet and he said that he couldn’t think of anywhere. And we would have to come up with something then ask ‘you can’t go out of Eldon right’. I said “correction I can’t go to the City or the lake”. He said “how about El Rancho?”. I said why. “Because it’s out of town (away from Eldon)” and then said “I really gotta go”. I said “oh no you don’t. You aren’t leaving it like that” and he asked me what I meant and I said hold on I’m confused and don’t know how to say it. He said just blurt it out and that he could feel me blushing. I said anyway we have until Monday the 17th and said I’ll be at the game. And he said Monday I said yes you are going to be there right. And he said oh yeah I just thought it was on a Tuesday. And I said no it’s on a Monday but I will be driving on Tuesday. And he said “well I really have to go” . It was 4:40 PM and we had talked for 30 minutes.
List to talk to him about: what he wants to do, planners, codes, what he would do if I got pregnant, notes, where to meet (the rocks), his middle name, I want to know more about him and his childhood.
Stop Police Sexual Violence 