Chapter 2: November 1993

November 5, 1993

What a game? Yes, Mikey was there. Anna and I had to work the concession stands, but Mikey came up to us and bugged us about some coffee. Every time he came up to us we would have to tell him that it was still cooking. Then we realized the coffee wasn’t plugged in and of course I told Mikey that Anna didn’t have it plugged in and we laughed about it.

We talked about Scott a lot (asking questions and stuff), especially if he still worked in town. Mikey talked to Timmy about it and he told him that Scott was still working in town, he just wasn’t scheduled.

I hit around on him all the time that night and we all carried around laughing and talking about nonsense stuff. Ms. Garner was in there giving us dirty looks, but we didn’t care. I had a lot of fun, and I wasn’t nervous. I was cold though. Isn’t that weird, me not being nervous around a police officer after all these years.

Finally halftime was over and we went to bug Mikey. We hit him some more and I took his popcorn and when Anna told me he had his mouth and tongue on it I just threw the popcorn on him.

I told him about my car wreck and we had him thinking it was a hit-and-run. What I didn’t tell anyone was that it was a suicide attempt. I guess I didn’t really want to die, I just want all the fighting and my past to stop haunting me. We told him afterwards that it was just a ditch. He told me that he knew my driving would come to that someday. I informed him that I wasn’t speeding or late like the Friday before. Anna told me that she heard about that on the scanner. I told him about it in more detail. My mom called the police station and they took my name and looked around the school. We were late because we had waited in line at the haunted tunnels for an hour.

During the time we were still working the concession stand I told him that I lived on a county road. He asked if I knew someone and I said “no”. Then he explained where they lived and I said “oh”. I live up the road from them in a yellow house. Of course after the game we left, and Anna’s mom picked us up, because my car was still out of working condition. I spent the night at Anna’s house. (12/16/93 — I also yelled the name toothless when he was away from the concession stand, but Anna told me not, too.)

05/31/2021 – I still have no clue what caused me to start feeling comfortable around Mikey. I mean I was having nightmares after we took him home on October 9, 1993 and was scared of him and then on November 5, 1993 I was joking around with him again. Of course, now that the entire time I knew him has played out it continued to be like that off and on the whole time. I would get scared but blame it on my past and he would keep talking with me and listening to me tell him about everything that was bothering me. He stepped over the line so many times and left so many red flags, but I didn’t open my eyes to see the real him until it was too late.

November 9, 1993

It was a FHA Compass clean up and we had finished everything so we went to the office and looked up his phone number and address. We called him collect and said we were Angie. Then about 15 minutes later we found a quarter and called him.

We talked about everything from us thinking he was supposed to work to just joking around. We talked for 30 minutes, that’s counting Anna talking to him too.

I explained exactly where I lived and that we didn’t call him collect, trying to hold my laughter the whole time. I told him we wouldn’t have did something like that and then turn around and call him back.

We joked like we always did and he told us that he would pay my way to the game the next day, if I came, because we kept bugging him about how I didn’t have the money to get in and he promised me if I showed up he would pay. And I promise I would show up, even if I had to lie to my mom I would be there. He told me to be there, but don’t lie to my mom.

We also got caught by our Mothers on being on the phone. We told him that we had to go and we hung up. We told them that we were calling Grandma.

05/31/2021 — again I would think any 45 year old who is decent would not have encouraged this behavior. Even when we were joking around with him, he should have said, “hey girls this isn’t really appropriate and you need to stop or I will talk to your mom.” Considering he was friends with Anna’s mom; however, he encouraged and kept encouraging it. He would start the sexual comments and I would keep them going. I would think a good police officer would never encourage this type of conversation with a teenager. After all these years, I have no doubt that he knew exactly what he was doing from the first time he met me and I’m not to blame for not seeing what was happening. He is to blame for not being the responsible professional police officer he should have been.

November 10, 1993

We lost the game, but I didn’t really pay attention to the game. This is the game Mikey promised to pay my way in and I realized I was falling for him. I had a lot of fun that night.

Anna and I got there real early and helped set up the concession stands. Then we found Mikey, actually he found us. I told him that the game went up to $4 instead of $2. He told me that I better be glad he took extra money along. I also told him I had to pay Coach the next day. He gave it to me. We joked around all night long about everything like normal.

I gave him the keychain and he smiled. Later that night, I explained it to him and he just laughed and said, “anytime, anyplace, anywhere.” We laughed. We also spent a lot of time alone. I will give him the peace sign and say peace minus one. He didn’t get it until I explained it and then he repeated “anytime, anyplace, anywhere.” I hit him and he said “if you hit me one more time I’m going to hit you with my fist and put handcuffs on your wrist.” As he made a fist. This bothered me, but I just went on and told him that it rhymed. Anna informed me that he wouldn’t really do it. We also walked around the track twice and talked about my grades and future plans. And how I was in group therapy he wanted to know why and I hesitated, but we talked about it all. I also talked about how sometimes I just wish I could die or get out of this town. Then he told me he had to go to the bathroom and I followed him to get with Anna. He told me that needless to say he couldn’t have any help. I said “I know.”

I also saw another friend and we joked around. I gained a hat, lost my $3 (I had bought a cheeseburger) and didn’t realize it. I was so hyper. Mr. Powell was talking to me and I was running back-and-forth with the hat, which I still have.

When I finally realized I had lost my money it was after halftime and we went back to every place I have been, except around the track. Anna and Mikey kept telling me it was hopeless and both of them checked my pockets. I was kind of nervous for the first time (other than when he said he would hit me) that night. Then we went over to Mr. Powell. He asked what we had lost and I said $3 he said “didn’t see it”. I said, “and wouldn’t say if you did”. Then we went over by Ms. Ward and Ms. Gold — it was laying on a pile of leaves. Luck was with me.

Anna and Lydia were trying to talk me into buying some food. I bought another cheeseburger and it was burnt. I got another one and gave part of it to Lydia, Anna, and saved the rest for Mikey. Mikey and I started walking around the track for the second time. We talked for a while with another friend of ours and went on. I gave him the rest of the cheeseburger and when he got over to the other side a kid was doing something and he stopped real fast. The student started laughing right away. Mikey and I waited until we got away from the school and then we started laughing, too.

I explained to all my teachers that he was a friend of mine and they told me that they were glad for that. When I told Coach he said, “yeah with the lights blaring behind you”. I told him that he had to remember that I didn’t have a car yet.

I had so much fun and talking to him about the group sessions really helped. We didn’t go into a lot of details, but what I did say helps keep the knife off my wrist. He has really stopped me from thinking about killing myself, but sometimes I still wonder if this is the answer. I wasn’t nervous at all that night, except when he said he would hit me and when he checked my pockets. I told him how I was blamed and he said it sounds like your mother is the one who needs the therapy. He made me explain why I didn’t like Lydia. He told me that “You have to remember to be yourself and your best, because you can never be someone else.”

What a night? It was so great. I also left when Timmy came over because of all the charges he’s having against him, and my fears of police officers. Boy, does he remind me of my past! Last week after seeing him for the first time the nightmares came flooding back. I think he was involved that day, and with the charges up against him it just backs up the type of the man he is. Anyway, Mikey doesn’t know about that. (12/23/93 — He still doesn’t know. I wonder if things will change when he finds out. I did write a letter and let him read “What’s Fear”. But I don’t know his reaction yet. Tell you when I find out on that date.)

10/23/2003 — I wonder if anyone would understand what I’m about to say, but here goes. When I reread this, I get so sick to my stomach. How stupid was I back then. Why did I allow myself to trust him? During this time, I had no idea what he would later become. I didn’t have the knowledge and understanding of life’s situations like I do now, but damn it how could I not see all the signs that were adding up so damn fast. He was 45 and I was 16, this should have been the first red flag, but yet it did feel good having someone care as much as I thought he did at the time. Blame? Maybe that shouldn’t be the question, but it often is, and I really can’t always answer it. I know educationally that I’m not to blame, but mentally I don’t always believe it. I’m doing better as time passes but sometimes it’s still hard to believe that it wasn’t my fault that this happened.

05/31/2021 — Who would know that it was just an act to get farther when I was older? Some people say anyone who is smart would have seen that coming, but unless you have been there you can’t say smart vs stupid! It’s more young vs older or the fact that now we have more experiences to learn from. I know at 44, if these same conversations would have started I would be smart enough to stay away from the guy, but that’s because I have learned from the experiences I’ve gone through. I’m hoping that sharing my story allows at least one teenager to Recognize the red flags before they have to experience them for themselves.

November 20, 1993

We didn’t meet up with Mikey until we were walking back to the car. We is Anna and her two little cousins (who we were babysitting), and of course, myself. We stopped and joked around like always about everything, only I had a four-year-old to watch and get candy for. Mikey kept telling me to get this piece of candy and I said “no”. He finally said “Now, JayCee” (I got a little nervous with the way he ordered me to do it, but I covered it by saying “I, I captain,” and got it.) I flipped him off (my neck way) he didn’t understand and I asked if he knew what I meant. He laughed and said “I’m not sure, but it’s not good.” Anna and I started laughing and the next time I did it I had my middle finger up and he understood. He said, “anytime, anyplace, anywhere.” And I said “you pick the place and all.” He said, “Monday night, my place at 7pm.” Anna said, “I don’t think so, JayCee.” I said “Sorry, Mikey, I don’t go out on Mondays.” He told me that he had to work that night anyway. Then he said, “Friday” “Can’t, I’m grounded”. And explain why I told him next Friday he told me “We’ll have to wait and see” And we joked around about the key chain that he still had in his pocket. And I regave him my phone number and told him that if I didn’t answer to hang up and he understood. Then I told him weeknights 4 to 5PM and he said “OK” he’ll call Wednesday. At least that’s what we planned.

He asked about Friday and I told him no because of the holidays. Then we left. Anna told me I was getting too deep and that’s when I explained to her how I was feeling and falling for him. And she told me that was scary. We went to the police office (Station) and got his license plate number. Then I dropped Anna and the kids off. As I went, the first song to come on was “Soon” that was scary. I drove by the police station and he was not there anymore. Then I went by his house and honked my horn. And realize that if we become closer I have to stop doing that. I believe he could lose his job, I’m not of age yet. (12/22/93 and his wife could get mad.)

10/23/2003 — Again another red flag. What man in their right mind would say and encourage the things we were doing. Like I said, he was 45 and me 16. And he knew I was 16. He was about 28 and half years older than me — old enough to know better. Old enough to know that a friendship where we talk about things should have been the only thing to this relationship. He was old enough to say back off, and if he was any man whatsoever he would have put the limit to just being friends. But we all know that he was not that kind of a man. I sometimes wonder if his daughters were victims of his pain, too, especially after yesterday‘s Sexual Assault class. Dr. Sapp explained how offenders often have three levels of victims. The ones he’s training (getting ready, getting them to trust him etc.), those he’s abusing, and those he’s pushing away. He didn’t use those words, but it’s how I remember it. I remember that once I left for college and away from my hometown, he made sure to stop the relationship as if he didn’t want me anymore. I didn’t care because I wanted out because of how forceful he was but he did hurt my feelings on the painful words he would say. Of course then I met Michael (my now husband) and my life was so great — I for the first time in my life truly found what love was supposed to be. Anyway, back to Mikey’s daughter. Mikey started getting to know me, when his daughter was about the same age I was when we finally broke off the relationship. What could have happened was I was the trainee, and his daughter was the one he pushed away. I remember someone telling me that Mikey kept a playboy issue or some kind of magazine that his daughter was Nude in. That’s sick. Anna says she doesn’t think so, but yet she says that his daughter was kicked out of the house because of drinking and drugs, it still makes me wonder.

6/1/2021 — I still think his daughter was a victim too. I wonder sometimes how many victims are out there because of Mikey. He knows how to make teenagers believe they can trust him — he knows what to say when to say it, he makes you feel like you could trust him.

From an article called Social Responsibility: Six Stages of Sexual Grooming – signs to watch for, report abuse — Posted On 12th Nov 2020 — located at https://vineyardswimming.co.za/stages-of-sexual-grooming/

What Is Sexual Grooming?

Sexual grooming involves an adult befriending a child with the motive of committing sexual abuse. The process is slow, methodical and intentional. It involves developing a close emotional connection with the child and can take place over weeks, months or even years. It is important for parents to be able to understand the grooming process to avoid child sexual abuse.

Hard fact: Over 90% of the children who are sexually abused know their abuser.

We have discussed the first three stages of the six stages of sexual grooming.

Six Stages of Sexual Grooming

1. Choosing a Victim — The predator often chooses a child who is obviously vulnerable. Children who are withdrawn, low on confidence, emotionally deprived and with less parental supervision are particularly at risk.

2. Building Access & Trust — Sexual abuse often begins with friendship. The abuser can also take on other roles such as a romantic partner, a mentor, a caregiver or an authority figure. The abuser spends time in getting to know the victim’s likes, dislikes and habits and pretending to share common interests.

3. Filling a Need With Gifts & Favors– Giving the victim small gifts and favors is a strategy used by perpetrators to make the child feel indebted. Trust is further built by sharing intimate life details, going on special outings and giving the child access to drinks, drugs or cigarettes depending on the child’s age.

He chose me and knew exactly what he was doing from the beginning. He built the friendship and the trust between us. He made sure to act like he cared about me, finding out my likes, dislikes, habits, fears, and even pretended to share common interests. He talked me out of killing myself multiple times and built the relationship towards the romantic partner. I looked up to him and trusted him even though I had a hard time trusting police officers. He made sure that I knew that I needed to work on the trust issues and not to blame everyone for what happened in my past. He encouraged me to believe that my past was what caused me to be nervous at times. He started giving money to pay for the games he would be at to make sure he was able to see me and be around me. As I continue to type my journal up, I will point out the other stages he put me through.

November 21, 1993

I didn’t see him that day, but his name was brought up all the time. I’ve been so confused and Anna, Caroline, Caroline’s little brother, and Caroline’s mom are the only ones that know why as of this date. Caroline’s mom just said, “You put me on the spot” and that she wouldn’t tell my parents. I believe her, but Caroline won’t believe that.

Anna was the first to know about it, but doesn’t know how confused I am, because she’s not Catholic, like the rest of us. Caroline was the first Catholic to find out and when I told her she started laughing and I started crying. She also apologized for laughing.

Caroline’s little brother was at my house after we got back and we talked. I already told you about Caroline’s mom. Caroline’s little brother helps me. He might only be 12, but he really helps.

Father Ollison knows something’s wrong but not any details. I’m so confused, but I’ll see what happens. If he calls Wednesday, then I’ll have to deal with it then. Until then I’m going to try to stop worrying about it. For now I’m caught up with everything that has happened since meeting Mikey. I started this book on November 10, 1993.

November 23, 1993

So confused about everything, especially Mikey. This morning Anna, Caroline, Aubree, also another friend, and I kept going by his house. I almost called him, but Anna knew his wife would be home. I called last night, but one of his daughters answered and I hung up.

We honked the horn as we went by. We went by seven times and had to quit because his wife was at the door the fifth time so we went by to see if it was him or her and it was his wife.

I hope she didn’t get my license plate number, because if she did she would probably give it to Mikey to look up and then he would know my license plate number. I’ll have to give it to him the next time I see or talk to him.

I wonder if he’s going to call me Wednesday or not. Guess I’ll find out then. Today I found out that I had a flat Anna and I called Mikey’s house and his wife answered. Anna told her that it was JayCee calling him to help with a flat. She also asked for Officer Mikey. I almost killed her right then and there, but his wife told her he wasn’t there and we went by his house and his car was. I was so mad.

We got some planners from a tire store and I have one for Mikey. I’m going to put all the extras in it. First of all, I wrote about the home B-ball games in high school and middle school. Anyway, the other stuff. The name people know him by is Mikey. Nobody knows his so-called last name unless they know what I’m going through. I also put his phone number and address in it.

January— Dreams coming true begin with belief = believe in all you dream for and you might get everything. Note: I can only go to one weeknight game and Fridays, so I need to know when you work.
February— What we see depends mainly on what we look for = I see a lot of good in you.
March— A goal without a plan is a dream = you have too many dreams you need to react on.
April— Morale is the essence of achievement = you need a lot of these.
May— All great accomplishments have a simple beginning = meaning you have to let this have some time to grow.
June— Under promise over perform = you promised to call Wednesday, November 24, 1993 and if you perform you better be able to promise. Happy Father’s Day.
July— The secret of getting ahead is getting started = remember that I won’t give you everything not yet anyway.
August— What you conceive, you can achieve = don’t even think about it.
September— Dedication and determination yield success and satisfaction = this will get you in trouble. I’m not of age yet you know.
October— Each moment is a stroke in the painting of your life = don’t forget that you are getting old, especially when you think of it in the following way: my dad’s almost 40 and I’m almost 17. Oh well, I still like you. Too hard a stroke could cause a lot of pain. Ha! Ha! My strokes are capable of doing the impossible and the unfloorgetable giving you a wrinkle free extra leg, but not yet.
November— You can’t have everything so you must decide what you want most = start thinking because I won’t give you everything.
December— I will find a way or make one = don’t even think about it.

I circled December. Flower is Holly, Birthstone is Turquoise and December 27 is my birthday. Guess who’s under special dates to remember, the important number was my phone number. You know who and where I live. Notes: This is what I want you to do when you call – call anytime before 9:30pm on weekdays only. People know you as Mikey, so if you want to talk to me tell them you’re Mikey. Just say you’re Mikey because my parents will get worried if you hang up. See ya. Don’t let your wife see this it might get me in trouble. Of course you know that.

06/01/2021 — This is were I sometimes feel so stupid and often times blame myself. I knew where our relationship was heading – I thought he loved and cared about me, not just the sexual things he would later have and later force to get. One needs to remember that even if you love someone and really think it’s a good relationship, it is not ok for a partner to force you to do anything sexual even if you have said yes before — it does not give them the right to do it the next time. If you say yes and decide you don’t want it in the middle of it all, you have the right to say “stop” and if you are in a good relationship the partner would understand and not force you to keep going. Please remember that “No” and “Stop” means just that and if someone doesn’t listen to you, then you have been assaulted and it’s not okay. Please get help the first time this happens, because more than likely it will only get worse as time goes on.

Help is available

Speak with someone today

National Sexual Assault Hotline Hours: Available 24 hours 1 (800) 656-4673

https://www.rainn.org/

You can also call 911 or your local police department.

With this being said, I also put the blame and the shame back on the person who should carry that blame and the shame. In my case, the person was an adult and a police officer, which should be held to higher standards just because a police officer is supposed to be there to protect people not inflict harm. He should have put a stop to the conversations we were having, not encouraging it. He did not know my parents, but he did know my best friend’s mom — he should have gone straight to her and told her how I was talking to him. Of course I would have been in a lot of trouble but I wouldn’t have experienced the pain he caused me. Also if he would not have started the sexual jokes and encouraged the conversation, I would never have done this. My point is that what he did to encourage the unprofessional and inappropriate conversations for a 45 year old to be having with a 16 year old is a major red flag to an unhealthy relationship or one step towards making the 16 year old his victim.

November 24, 1993

What I want to tell Mikey, but can’t because I love him so much. I wrote this in first, second, and fourth hour.

Dear Mikey,

What’s up? I’m in English lit. You know that class I’m not doing too good in. I’m doing fine in all the rest. Now I’m in American History. You’re supposed to call me tonight and I’ll explain to you about how you should call me, which is also in the planner I’m giving you.

This week has been awful.

Sunday = I was so confused about Saturday. Yes, you and Saturday. If you didn’t know I’m Catholic and confused because you’re married and not to me.

Monday = Everything was wrong. I gave a letter to Coach and he gave me a lecture on how kids are fun, but we needed to wait. We have the rest of our lives to have that kind of responsibility, kind of hit the spot. Then after school he told me that our friendship was getting too personal that we needed to have a TSR = Teacher – Student relationship. I was going to ask for advice on us, but I really don’t want adults involved other than you of course.

Tuesday: I had a flat and Anna and I decided to call you for help, but Anna gave your wife my full name when she asked who it was. I was so mad I almost killed her right then and there. I mean she said my full name, talking about mad. I hope it didn’t get you into any trouble. Luckily for Anna we went by your house to drop off a friend and your car was there; therefore, I got mad at your wife, either she lied to us or you had just gotten home (12/24/93 – or your ride hadn’t dropped you off. I didn’t know he got rides to work until 12/22/93). That’s one day, like many others, I won’t forget. Of course I remember the first day we met like it was yesterday (10/01/1993).

Yes, you got me confused. Angie told me that I got myself into it, now I have to get myself out of it. The problem is I can’t because needless to say, I’m falling for you.

I always told myself that I would never fall for a guy that would cheat on his wife, because that means he will cheat on me. I’m catholic and don’t really want to go against it. I’ve done nothing with boys – not even a kiss – because of me wanting not to go all the way before I was married. I plan to do this, especially with you.

Please realize that I just want to be friends. We can joke around, but that’s all. I’ve been nervous all day about all of this and the phone call. I’ve written a lot of this in Study Hall and had to leave it while I did some errands for Coach. I was so nervous that he would read it that my stomach was about to explode. He started to ask me a question and I almost freaked out. I just knew he had read it. I don’t know one way or the other (and I’m not asking) I don’t think he would do that unless I tell him to read it (and I’m not doing that, either.)

Mikey,

Don’t get me wrong. I like you a lot, but you’re married and I can’t get myself mixed up in all that. Please let’s just be friends. You can lose your job, since I’m not of age and even though I wouldn’t press charges my parents would. I’m sorry if I led you on, I didn’t mean to. In less than 35 days I will be 17, but you will still be married. Just friends. Don’t forget it.

“Me”

06/01/2021 — Even this letter shows that I had come to the conclusion that the “relationship” was going somewhere where it shouldn’t. I told him early on that it should be just friends. And yet he kept encouraging more. I wish I would have realized that the only way to stop that type of person is to totally stop hanging out with him. The scary thought is with the type of person he was he would have found someone else to groom and make his victim. It could have been a friend of mine or someone I didn’t know, but either way someone else would have gotten hurt. What he put me through isn’t a one victim — I learned from my mistakes — kind of situation. I have no doubts that I wasn’t his first and I wasn’t his last. Needless to say, I can’t prove that but it is my educated opinion from learning about the way abusers are.

November 25, 1993

He didn’t call last night, but I was still nervous the whole day, because I didn’t know if he would or not.

Thanksgiving wasn’t the best holiday. I found out my Grandma had to go to the hospital. I got really upset, along with everything else that was happening that week. I just broke down.

My Aunt and I talked about everything, especially Mikey. She told me he was probably after one thing and I agreed yet I still have strong feelings for him. Then she told me about a guy that was older than her. I believe she said he was 36 when she was 17. A lot like me, except we haven’t gone all the way and Mikey’s older than 36.

November 26, 1993

My Uncle came down home before going up to the hospital and asked me to go up with him and if anybody else wanted to. We dropped my cousin off at my other Grandma’s and had small talk all the way up to the hospital. It was on the way back that we talked about everything that was bothering me (not everything, but some.) We talked about how me and my parents can’t really talk about problems and he told me that I could talk to him anytime and he would tell me like it is and try to give as much advice as possible. Then he started talking about his girlfriend that’s married. That’s how we got on the subject of Mikey. He gave me a lot of advice, yet he didn’t tell me not to see him. He said that had to be my decision and mine alone. He, too, told me he’s probably after one thing and to be careful. I told him that I felt guilty and he said “then you really don’t need to get a relationship going, but that’s up to you.” I told him “as for now it’s going to be just friends, but I’m afraid he’ll force me.” He said “when he starts getting pushy you make sure you tell him to back off and that you don’t want it. If he doesn’t stop, leave. He’ll get the point that if he wants you as a friend then he better back off.” My Uncle really helped.

10/23/2003 — WOW, I sometimes wonder how repressed memories work, and if they are true or not. But after reading this I can understand how you can forget things that happened when you’re little, because if I had not written this down and typing it, I wouldn’t have remembered ever riding to the hospital with my uncle alone. Kind of scary what one can forget. I don’t even remember this entire conversation. Another thing nowhere in this entry does it mention that I was nervous, and that’s something I normally write about. And believe me with the conversation that took place here, I would think if he ever did something to me, then I would have been nervous, but I wasn’t. This was before I talked to one of my cousin, who accused him of molesting her, when she was little. I need to find out how little. I was never nervous around this uncle until after I talked to that cousin. When she told me this, it made me kind of wonder if anything ever happened to me, hell until I typed this I was still wondering, but I can honestly say I just don’t see how I would have been able to have this conversation with him if something had. I wonder if he still means that I can talk about everything and he would tell me like it is?

06/01/2021 — My uncle passed away in 2013 only 2 days after my dad died. It was a very hard time for me as I loved both my dad and my Uncle. I miss both of them and wish they were still here to talk to. My Uncle later found out what Mikey had done and wanted to go find him. I stopped him not because I cared if Mikey lived or not, but because I didn’t want my uncle to mess up the rest of his life. There are a lot of people in my life that knew what was happening (maybe not everything, but yet enough)! They (Caroline’s mom, my Aunt, and now my Uncle) all knew the confusion I was going through. My Uncle knew I was afraid that Mikey would be forceful, yet none of them suggested talking to my parents. None of them went to my parents. I wonder how different things would have been if at 16, the adults I trusted enough to talk to about the situation would have helped me talk to my parents about it. I’m pretty sure something would have been done considering I was only 16 at this time. But then again who knows, considering my parents were always the type of people who thinks that if you don’t talk about it, don’t think about it, and just forget it — everything will just go away. It doesn’t – please if you have had a traumatic experience get counseling it will help you in starting your healing process. There are also a lot of self help books one can use to get started, but even they recommend counseling. One of my favorite books that helped me get started in my healing was called The Courage to Heal Workbook: For Women and Men Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Laura Davis.